Unexpected Hospital Visit

  Today I unexpectedly find myself in A&E with suspected appendicitis. As I sit in the cubicle where I have been for hours waiting for test results and doctors, feeling immensely frustrated at the situation in which I find myself, I can't help looking at the 3 surrounding walls and curtain in front of me and wonder what it would be like to be stuck in a cell this size for 23 hours a day. I am already feeling impatient, angry, almost claustrophobic and desperate to just be allowed home. The thought of being stuck in a similar size cell waiting until they tell me my execution date has been set fills me with dread. I already feel like a caged animal after a few hours in a hospital cubicle, so how soul destroying and dehumanising must it be to know that the tiny space you now occupy, may be the only space you will occupy until you are murdered by the state! I know that I will be going home, if not today, tomorrow or the next day, and although a hospital is nothing like a prison, I can't help calling to mind my pen pals on death row. The thought of being stuck in a cell with little hope of ever living beyond the walls surrounding me makes me wonder how they find the strength to keep on going. How do they survive the daily stress and boredom? I am not sure I could! With this in mind, I think of the wonderful letters that have been written to me, and can't help but admire the strength and generosity of human spirit which lives in these men.

I was finally moved to a ward, and was suprised at the relief I felt to have a window. I hadn't realsed how much more claustrophobic it felt not to have an outlook on the world beyond my four walls. I have never considered what it must be like to be in a windowless environment before, and it must have an effect on the psyche of anyone imprisioned with no way to see outside.

Tips when writing to a Death Row Inmate

When I first started to look into writing to inmates, I read a lot of advice on various websites about what to include and what to say. These are my thoughts after writing and receiving several letters.

Your first letter should be light and chatting, just telling them a bit about yourself. I was worried about what to say and what they might say back, but all my letters have been gratefully received  and as they ask me questions and answer any of mine, so far I have found them very easy to write and a pleasure to receive. 

A lot of people are worried about using their home address, but the advice I read said not to worry, as your pen pal is on death row, so isn't likely to be leaving prison, unless of course they are found to be innocent, in which case, you have nothing to worry about. Also as I am writing from so far away, I don't feel it is an issue for them to know where I live. My husband, on the other hand, is not happy that I have done this, so perhaps I should have spoken about it first. 

Other useful advice was that if you have more than one pen pal, make sure they are in different prisons, and also not to talk about your other pen pals as tis can result in fights.

 I also read that it may be an idea to offer to send stamps, so I did that in my introduction letter. In hindsight, perhaps this is not such a good idea. Of the 5 replies I received, one said that I could order stamps to be sent direct to him, one said that they could only receive care packages and gave me the details should I be interested, although he did not ask me to send anything, one said that the inmates had to buy stamps from the prison canteen, but they could be sent money, but he emphasised that he did not know me well enough to ask for money, one said he couldn't receive stamps, but would just make sure he worked up enough to get a stamp in time to reply to my letters, and the final reply ( the inmate from whom I have now received 2 letters) did not mention my question at all. The inmate who said stamps can be sent to him mentioned that they can be sent no more than 60 in one go. I have written back saying I could probably send a book of 6 every now and then, so I will see what happens with that. I guess the purpose of mentioning this is that perhaps I would feel less awkward if I simply hadn't mentioned the stamps in the first place, but waited until I had established a friendship without the pressure of the stamps hanging over us. I have told them all that I do not have a lot of money and can only offer them friendship. So contrary to the advice I read, I would not make any offers of stamps or anything else. 

Other advise was to make it clear if you are not after any romantic relationship, so I made it clear that I am a happily married woman only looking to extend the hand of friendship in my introductory letters. Also I included a photo of myself  inserted into the word document I was creating, so that the inmate could see what I look like to make the letter more personal.

Finally, I asked about photos, etc that I could send and any other rules of which I should be aware. It is wise to write the inmate name and number on each page, and on the back of any photos you send once you have established what you an send. The envelope must have the inmates name and DOC number on it, and your return address must be in the top right corner on the front of the envelope. Also, many prisons to not allow stickers, tape of any sort, or perfumed paper to be used, so best to avoid that if you want to ensure your letter isn't returned to you or destroyed.

There are many websites which offer advice and list inmate pen pal requests. If you choose to open your heart and write to an inmate, I hope you find it a great experience, but remember that this is a commitment and you must be willing to continue writing, as your pen pal will look forward to your letters and may be very disappointed if you suddenly sever contact without a reason.

Reflections on reading the first letters

  The first thing that strikes me when reading these letters is how "normal" these men seem. Their letters are filled with humour, stories of childhood and tales of their everyday life on death row. Each one thanks me for taking my time to write to them and never before have a I felt so appreciated for such a small thing like writing a simple letter to a stranger. They seem genuinely greatful for the contact and the fact that somebody cares. I have received replies from 5 inmates and have since written back to them. Each of my pen pals has different talents, but they all seem trying to better themselves in some way. They write poetry or are trying to write novels or have learned an art like drawing or painting (I received some beautiful handdrawn and handpainted Christmas cards), some have turned to bible study courses. A couple are reaching out to the youths of today to try and show them that crime doesn't pay. The letters seem very honest and they all offer to answer any question that I may have. One asks that I do not ask about his crime, due to ongoing legal work, while another tells me about the crime, but says he is innocent of the murder, but guilty of being their at the time, not realising what was going to happen. I must admit in both of these cases, the evidence seems lacking to me, from what I have read, and I don't really understand why either of these men are on death row. A couple of the men have committed terrible crimes, but that is not something I wish to discuss in this blog, nor do I wish to question them about their crime, as the purpose of my writing to them was not to be nosy about their crimes, but simply to offer friendship and comfort to people in a horrible situation. One thing they seem to have in common is a troubled childhood, and drugs have been involved in many of the crimes (I certainly feel that the crimes are the result of drug-influenced situations that got out of control, rather than premeditated murders). None the less, that does not diminish the fact that there were victims in these crimes, and family members on both the victim and offenders side have lost love ones or are in danger of losing loved ones. One thing that strikes me is how far away from the prisons most of the families seem to live, so visits are infrequent, even from the family who does wish to visit. Those (as in the case of one of my pen pals) whose family have not forgiven them for their crime, or are angry with them, do not receive any visits and seldom get letters, so a letter from a stranger offering friendship means a great deal. One of my "pals" implied that my letters and offer of friendship was the answer to his prayers, when he felt ready to be able to communicate with someone, he prayed that God would find a penpal willing to write to him, and he feels that he has been blessed and that our friendship is a gift from God. One thing is certain, I feel truly humbled by the words of these men facing death, and I hope that I will be able to continue to write to them for many years to come.

Reading first letters

  After reading my letters, all I can say today is..

Wow!!!!!

First Replies

  First replies.

It is the day after Boxing Day, and the postman has delivered two letters. I am strangely nervous about opening them and think I will wait until I can read them uninterrupted by my kids.

Just before I sent off my original letters, I mentioned to my husband that I was writing to some prisoners on Death Row. We didn't really discuss it much, but I have told him that I have had some replies. He is very nervous about me writing and very suspicious about the reasons behind people on Death Row wanting pen pals, and he doesn't understand why I feel the need to write. 

I find my reasons hard to explain, but these people (even though they may have done terrible things) are all alone with very little contact with others, often abandoned by even their families and this makes me feel an awful, desperate loneliness for them. As Christians we are taught that every sin can be forgiven if we truly repent, and even Christ forgave murderers. Saul of Tarsus at one time hated Christians, and was responsible for sending many of them to their death: "I persecuted the followers of this Way to their death" (Acts 22:4). Saul repented and converted and became who became the Apostle Paul, the greatest Christian who ever lived.

The guilty amongst those to whom I have chosen to write, appear to be repentant. The sceptics amongst us may say, they only appear to have found God, so that they may receive leniency or clemency, but in truth, neither of these will come just because the convicted has found The Lord. Yes, they may still fight for a stay of execution, but using other facts, not a conversion to Christianity. A belief in God cannot help them avoid their execution, but can offer some love, peace and comfort as they wait. 

When I told my husband that I felt the need to reach out and offer some comfort to prisoners on Death Row, he asked me why I couldn't reach out to those starving in Africa or dying in Africa due to the aids crisis. I guess the answer is because those people often have family and loved ones around them, and more people throughout the world willing to help them. Not so many people are willing to write to someone on Death Row, but upon reading some of the sad, desperate words of some prisoners, I felt compelled to write to a few and just extend the hand of friendship, and through a few kind words and a lottle compassion, provided a little light in that dark world in which they find themselves.  

It is strange how good it feels to receive a real letter from the postman in this technological age. It brings back all sorts of memories of when I was younger, before email and text messaging took over. I used to love getting proper letters from friends and family, and I remember the excitement of waiting for the mailman. I was with mixed feelings that I opened my letters, partly due to the unknown of the contents of a letter from a man on death row, and not knowing how my first letter would have been received and partly due to my husbands, shall we call it "lack of enthusiasm" for what I am doing.

I am not going to reveal the names of my pen pals, nor give any exact information of the things they write to me, as I feel that that is private and I would not wish to violate any sense of trust that may build up between these men and myself. 

Christmas 2012

  Christmas 2012

As Christmas approaches (and now that we know that the world is not going to end on 21st December), my thoughts turn to people in prison. Not just those on Death Row, but all prisoners and I find myself wondering what Christmas means to them. I imagine that a time when most of us are surrounded by family must be a very difficult time for those separated from those they love. Prisoners, as well as the victims families, left to experience Christmas without their loved one. Having lost my brother when he was 19 to suicide, I know how magnified that loss is each year, when I am aware of his absence at the dinner table. This photo is taken from Serenity Memory Tree on Facebook, and I put it here for all those no longer with us, be that though murder, suicide, illness, natural death or by state-sanctioned murder. May they all rest in peace and find comfort in Christ's love.

        

I am especially sadden by the loss of 27 lives in Newtown, Connecticut on 15th December. With those recent events, the death penalty may be a prickly subject for some. At this stage, it is not known what led this young man to the point in his life whe he carried out these horrific crimes and in this case the young gunman took his own life, leaving no debate about his future. We can only hope that those left behind will find comfort through the love of their friends and families in what will be an unimaginably difficult Christmas for them. I imagine that this Christmas, many around the world will take a minute to remember the 20 little angels and those who died trying to protect them. May they rest in peace and may the Lord give some comfort to those left behind.  

      .

As I make my final preparations for Christmas Day,  I will keep praying for a world of peace and happiness. I hope that the inmates to whom I have written have received my cards and letters and that I have managed to spread a tiny bit of joy this festive season.

Deciding to Write

My first thoughts about prisoners on Death Row came many years ago after watching a documentary on Ricky Ray Rector.




On March 22, 1981, Rector entered Tommy’s Old Fashioned Home-style Restaurant in Conway (Faulkner County), where he had previously been denied entrance to a private party. Rector fired several shots, killing Arthur Criswell and wounding two others. Two days later, Rector entered his mother’s home while the police were there questioning his mother and sister. Rector shot and killed Robert Martin, a Conway police officer, before running outside and shooting himself in the head. The bullet entered his brain, and efforts by surgeons to remove the bullet resulted in a lobotomy. Rector was permanently brain damaged.




Despite this, Rector was tried and sentenced to death, even though he was incapable of understanding the meaning of death. His last meal consisted of fried chicken, steak, and pecan pie. When Rector had finished eating, he set aside a piece of the pie and told the guards that he would like to save it for later. Rector’s obvious inability to comprehend the fact that he was about to be executed unnerved a number of the prison officials.




Rector’s execution was scheduled for 9:15 p.m. on January 24, 1992. However, the execution was delayed by more than fifty minutes because the medical technicians were unable to find a useable vein. Rector attempted to help them find a vein that would work, and witnesses stated that he seemed to be innocently cheerful, as though he believed that the technicians were performing a simple, everyday procedure. Spectators who waited behind a drawn curtain counted eight moans of pain during the process of finding the vein. Several of the prison officials doubted that the execution should proceed,   but at 10:09 p.m., Rector was executed by lethal injection. Later, at least one of the officials involved who helped with the execution resigned from his position, citing the upsetting experience of Rector’s execution as the reason.




(Sourced and adapted  from the Encyclopedia of Arkansas)




I remember being shocked that this childlike man, who didn't even understand the concept of death was put to death by lethal injection.




For nearly 2 decades I have been against the death penalty, largely due to the effect that this documentary had on me, but I have not done anything about it until now.




I am Roman Catholic, and in church a couple of weeks ago there was an attachment asking parishioners to send Christmas cards to prisoners on the list supplied by Amnesty International. I recognised one of the names, although I’m not sure why. That name was Reggie Clemons. I decided to find out a bit about Reggie’s case and send a Christmas card to Reggie. (For more on Reggie’s campaign see http://www.amnestyusa.org/sites/default/files/pdfs/clemonsreport.pdf).


 I then posted additional Cards and letters  to several other inmates on Death Row in different states, as well as signing several petitions on Amnesty International's website And pledging to “write 4 rights”.




I recently saw a quote which really touched, written by Marietta Jaeger, whose 7 year-old daughter Susie was kidnapped and murdered in the US in 1973. It reads as follows:




“Concerning the claim of justice for the victim’s family, I say there is no amount of retaliatory deaths that would compensate to me the inestimable value of my daughter’s life, nor would they restore her to my arms. To say that the death of any other person would be just retribution is to insult the immeasurable worth of our loved ones who are victims. We cannot put a price on their lives. That kind of justice would only dehumanize and degrade us because it legitimates an animal instinct for gut-level blood thirsty revenge…. In my case, my own daughter was such a gift of joy and sweetness and beauty, that to kill someone in her name would have been to violate and profane the goodness of her life; the idea is offensive and repulsive to me.”




In my view, the death penalty only creates more murders, and in an often more cold and calculating way. The wait from sentencing to execution is often years, even decades, and is essentially torture, as these men (and woman) wait, often in appalling conditions, until they are given a day and a time at which they will die.  Don Cabana, a former warden of Mississippi’s Parchman Penitentiary said, “When you execute a man who has been on Death Row for 7, 8, 10 or 12 years, you are not executing the same man who came in.”  If we put these men  and woman to death, does that make us better people, or does their death make the world a better place? Some of you may answer, “Yes”, but a quote often attributed to Ghandi says “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. “  There is a more elaborate version of this quote from The King James English translation of Exodus 21:12 which states, “An eye-for-eye and tooth-for-tooth would lead to a world of the blind and toothless.”  and what sort of world would that be?




So that is where I am now. I have posted my letters and will wait to see what response I get. I am a married woman and certainly not looking for romance, but I am looking to extend the arm of friendship and perhaps offer a tiny bit of comfort to a few of those people who have been disguarded and forgotten by society and labelled as monsters, who now find themselves in unimaginable  situations which nobody could have foreseen.  Many were tried whilst in their teens, some may be innocent and I hope that justice will be serviced for them, whilst  some may have committed horrific crimes. I do not wish to belittle  the suffering of victim’s family, and I am not asking that those guilty be set free, but often these men and women  have found themselves in a dreadful situation through poor judgment, abuse, alcohol or drugs. Many are very repentant and regretful of a situation that got out of control resulting in a loss of life and alot turn to God. Many are black and poor, with no money for decent legal representation and are judged by bias, all-white juries. Where is the fairness in that? Clinton Duffy, former warden at California's San Quentin Prison once said, ". . . the term capital punishment is ironic because only those without capital get the punishment.”




This is a new journey for me. Who knows where it will lead. I may find I don’t get any response, but if I do, I hope that by sharing my experience I will open the eyes and hearts of others. A monstrous act does not always mean the man behind it is a monster.