Tips when writing to a Death Row Inmate

When I first started to look into writing to inmates, I read a lot of advice on various websites about what to include and what to say. These are my thoughts after writing and receiving several letters.

Your first letter should be light and chatting, just telling them a bit about yourself. I was worried about what to say and what they might say back, but all my letters have been gratefully received  and as they ask me questions and answer any of mine, so far I have found them very easy to write and a pleasure to receive. 

A lot of people are worried about using their home address, but the advice I read said not to worry, as your pen pal is on death row, so isn't likely to be leaving prison, unless of course they are found to be innocent, in which case, you have nothing to worry about. Also as I am writing from so far away, I don't feel it is an issue for them to know where I live. My husband, on the other hand, is not happy that I have done this, so perhaps I should have spoken about it first. 

Other useful advice was that if you have more than one pen pal, make sure they are in different prisons, and also not to talk about your other pen pals as tis can result in fights.

 I also read that it may be an idea to offer to send stamps, so I did that in my introduction letter. In hindsight, perhaps this is not such a good idea. Of the 5 replies I received, one said that I could order stamps to be sent direct to him, one said that they could only receive care packages and gave me the details should I be interested, although he did not ask me to send anything, one said that the inmates had to buy stamps from the prison canteen, but they could be sent money, but he emphasised that he did not know me well enough to ask for money, one said he couldn't receive stamps, but would just make sure he worked up enough to get a stamp in time to reply to my letters, and the final reply ( the inmate from whom I have now received 2 letters) did not mention my question at all. The inmate who said stamps can be sent to him mentioned that they can be sent no more than 60 in one go. I have written back saying I could probably send a book of 6 every now and then, so I will see what happens with that. I guess the purpose of mentioning this is that perhaps I would feel less awkward if I simply hadn't mentioned the stamps in the first place, but waited until I had established a friendship without the pressure of the stamps hanging over us. I have told them all that I do not have a lot of money and can only offer them friendship. So contrary to the advice I read, I would not make any offers of stamps or anything else. 

Other advise was to make it clear if you are not after any romantic relationship, so I made it clear that I am a happily married woman only looking to extend the hand of friendship in my introductory letters. Also I included a photo of myself  inserted into the word document I was creating, so that the inmate could see what I look like to make the letter more personal.

Finally, I asked about photos, etc that I could send and any other rules of which I should be aware. It is wise to write the inmate name and number on each page, and on the back of any photos you send once you have established what you an send. The envelope must have the inmates name and DOC number on it, and your return address must be in the top right corner on the front of the envelope. Also, many prisons to not allow stickers, tape of any sort, or perfumed paper to be used, so best to avoid that if you want to ensure your letter isn't returned to you or destroyed.

There are many websites which offer advice and list inmate pen pal requests. If you choose to open your heart and write to an inmate, I hope you find it a great experience, but remember that this is a commitment and you must be willing to continue writing, as your pen pal will look forward to your letters and may be very disappointed if you suddenly sever contact without a reason.